London Riot

So i've been in a total media blackout(it was supposed to be part of my "process" in writing the sequel), and i heard the blokes in London are properly pissed because some bobby made this oke brown bread. Or something like that. I decided to find out on the interweb what in the bollocks is going on. I searched for images (because black people dont read) and cor blimey! this is what i found:  

 

THIS IS A RIOT!!!!! #Boss 

what grinds my balls.

3. Contractions are like nanoseconds apart now. The closer you get to the door with the man sign(/woman sign/disabled sign) the shorter the interval between contractions. Disgusting as it may be, you are "prairie dogging"(thats when you it goes in and out repeatedly like a prairie dog). You open the door, lock it after yourself, do a mental check of everything you need. Now its decision time. To s(h)it or not s(h)it, that is the question[Hamlet in the bog]. I don't know about you but i prefer to be seated when i duece. I think it makes the peristalsis much more efficient but when in public toilets....Ok, you are seated after nervously (because you could swear your knickers were "too warm" )putting a thick layer of toilet paper as a barrier of infection. Its scramble for the bowl as you open up the trap door and let those brown babies out(sometimes they are caramel/or they are liquid). You push hard til you rectum is empty. You wait for while just to be certain all those little bastards are. You clean up(that means wiping more than 3x), pull up your pants and boy are they tight.
Before you make it to the door, you could swear David Cooperfield just materialised in your rectum. Rush back to the toilet, quickly get out of your pants and let it all out. I said "LET IT ALL OUT". Nothing. Absolutely nothing comes out. Yep. Your ass is playing tricks on you. Goddamn asshole!!